Why the Hard-to-Get Are So Very Hard to Get

Why the Hard-to-Get Are So Very Hard to Get

For many people, there’s no one as attractive as the one who always seems just out of reach. Even though the person you’re with now never holds back on affection or concern, there may have been at least one romantic partner in your past who captivated you by his or her apparent disinterest in you. It may be that the hard-to-get trigger your inner competitive drives, causing you to feel you have to go all out in order to win them over. It’s also possible that the air of mystery they project stimulates your own need to figure out them out, just as you want to solve a complex puzzle. The hard-to-get may also seem to fit the economic laws of supply and demand. Just as the latest electronic gadget is that much more valuable when only limited quantities hit the market, the affection of the person who’s hard-to-get becomes that much more highly prized.

In a newly-published dissertation, Adelphi University’s Kirby Weinberg put the hard-to-get to the test in order to learn what leads to their emotionally withholding tendencies. Starting with the definition of the hard-to-get as using “a mating strategy in which people feign disinterest to get others to desire them more” (p. 2). Weinberg concluded from the existing published literature that this is a strategy that actually works well, but only in the short term. The personality traits that drive this version of the dating game are not all that desirable in long-term partners. Such individuals can be cold, manipulative, narcissistically entitled, less likable, and actually not that interested in truly intimate relationships. Playing hard-to-get, she notes, is also associated with lacking the ability to be authentic with others, and even with oneself. Digging deeper, the hard-to-get may also be insecurely (feeling afraid to get close or preferring to remain distant), driven by a desire to punishothers, and unwilling to show their true selves.

Weinberg, whose work was conducted from within a psychodynamic framework, believes that the hard-to-get are playing at the classic defensive strategy of pushing others aside to cover up the fact that they feel deeply flawed. As she notes, “If playing hard-to-get is an expression of inauthenticity and inauthenticity is associated with negative traits, then playing hard-to-get might not be such a good thing” (p. 5). High in the quality of rejection sensitivity, or extreme touchiness about being rebuffed, the hard-to-get protect themselves from their “anxiety about desertion, humiliation, and betrayal” (p. 14), perhaps related to constant fear of rejection by withholding parents. They may also be high in the type of narcissism that leads them to seek personal gains and avoid emotional intimacy in relationships. Weinberg states that, “Perhaps the false front that playing hard to get calls for is what is most appealing to pathological narcissists and is what drives them to utilize the strategy” (p. 19).

To test these proposals, Weinberg used a technique known as “mindset priming,” in which she subtly planted in her participants beliefs about authenticity in relationships designed to appeal differentially to people prone to playing the hard-to-get game. Participants read one of two paragraphs that summarized a fictitious research study supporting either authenticity or inauthenticity as better for relationships. The prime for authenticity contained information stating that people in the best romantic relationships felt free to be themselves. The inauthenticity prime fabricated a research finding showing that people who were romantically most satisfied “hide their neediness and dependency” (p. 30). The theory was that people high in narcissism, the insecurely attached, and those high in rejection sensitivity (fear of being rebuffed) would be more likely to advocate playing hard-to-get in the inauthenticity prime condition. Their better-adjusted opposites would be more susceptible to the authentic mind set therefore be less likely to favor playing hard-to-get.

By Olonade Olawale (Brain Feels)

How to Train Your Brain to Think in New Ways

You can train your brain to think better. One of the best ways to do this is to expand the set of mental models you use to think. Let me explain what I mean by sharing a story about a world-class thinker.
I first discovered what a mental model was and how useful the right one could be while I was reading a story about Richard Feynman, the famous physicist. Feynman received his undergraduate degree from MIT and his Ph.D. from Princeton. During that time, he developed a reputation for waltzing into the math department and solving problems that the brilliant Ph.D. students couldn’t solve.
When people asked how he did it, Feynman claimed that his secret weapon was not his intelligence, but rather a strategy he learned in high school. According to Feynman, his high school physics teacher asked him to stay after class one day and gave him a challenge.
“Feynman,” the teacher said, “you talk too much and you make too much noise. I know why. You’re bored. So I’m going to give you a book. You go up there in the back, in the corner, and study this book, and when you know everything that’s in this book, you can talk again.”
So each day, Feynman would hide in the back of the classroom and study the book—Advanced Calculus by Woods—while the rest of the class continued with their regular lessons. And it was while studying this old calculus textbook that Feynman began to develop his own set of mental models.
“That book showed how to differentiate parameters under the integral sign,” Feynman wrote. “It turns out that’s not taught very much in the universities; they don’t emphasize it. But I caught on how to use that method, and I used that one damn tool again and again. So because I was self-taught using that book, I had peculiar methods of doing integrals.”
“The result was, when the guys at MIT or Princeton had trouble doing a certain integral, it was because they couldn’t do it with the standard methods they had learned in school. If it was a contour integration, they would have found it; if it was a simple series expansion, they would have found it. Then I come along and try differentiating under the integral sign, and often it worked. So I got a great reputation for doing integrals, only because my box of tools was different from everybody else’s, and they had tried all their tools on it before giving the problem to me.”
Every Ph.D. student at Princeton and MIT is brilliant. What separated Feynman from his peers wasn't necessarily raw intelligence. It was the way he saw the problem. He had a broader set of mental models.

What Is A Mental Model?

 

A mental model is an explanation of how something works. It is a concept, framework, or worldview that you carry around in your mind to help you interpret the world and understand the relationship between things. Mental models are deeply held beliefs about how the world works.
For example, supply and demand is a mental model that helps you understand how the economy works. Game theory is a mental model that helps you understand how relationships and trust work. Entropy is a mental model that helps you understand how disorder and decay work.
Mental models guide your perception and behavior. They are the thinking tools that you use to understand life, make decisions, and solve problems. Learning a new mental model gives you a new way to see the world—like Richard Feynman learning a new math technique.
Mental models are imperfect, but useful. There is no single mental model from physics or engineering, for example, that provides a flawless explanation of the entire universe, but the best mental models from those disciplines have allowed us to build bridges and roads, develop new technologies, and even travel to outer space. As historian Yuval Noah Harari puts it, “Scientists generally agree that no theory is 100 percent correct. Thus, the real test of knowledge is not truth, but utility.”
The best mental models are the ideas with the most utility. They are broadly useful in daily life. Understanding these concepts will help you make wiser choices and take better actions. This is why developing a broad base of mental models is critical for anyone interested in thinking clearly, rationally, and effectively.

The Secret to Great Thinking

Expanding your set of mental models is something experts need to work on just as much as novices. We all have our favorite mental models, the ones we naturally default to as an explanation for how or why something happened. As you grow older and develop expertise in a certain area, you tend to favor the mental models that are most familiar to you.
Here's the problem: when a certain worldview dominates your thinking, you’ll try to explain every problem you face through that worldview. This pitfall is particularly easy to slip into when you're smart or talented in a given area.
The more you master a single mental model, the more likely it becomes that this mental model will be your downfall because you’ll start applying it indiscriminately to every problem. What looks like expertise is often a limitation. As the common proverb says, “If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.”

When a certain worldview dominates your thinking, you’ll try to explain every problem you face through that worldview.

Consider this example from biologist Robert Sapolsky. He asks, “Why did the chicken cross the road?” Then, he provides answers from different experts.

• If you ask an evolutionary biologist, they might say, “The chicken crossed the road because they saw a potential mate on the other side.”
• If you ask a kinesiologist, they might say, “The chicken crossed the road because the muscles in the leg contracted and pulled the leg bone forward during each step.”
• If you ask a neuroscientist, they might say, “The chicken crossed the road because the neurons in the chicken’s brain fired and triggered the movement.”

Technically speaking, none of these experts are wrong. But nobody is seeing the entire picture either. Each individual mental model is just one view of reality. The challenges and situations we face in life cannot be entirely explained by one field or industry.
All perspectives hold some truth. None of them contain the complete truth.
Relying on a narrow set of thinking tools is like wearing a mental straight jacket. Your cognitive range of motion is limited. When your set of mental models is limited, so is your potential for finding a solution. In order to unleash your full potential, you have to collect a range of mental models. You have to build out your toolbox. Thus, the secret to great thinking is to learn and employ a variety of mental models.

Expanding Your Set of Mental Models

The process of accumulating mental models is somewhat like improving your vision. Each eye can see something on its own. But if you cover one of them, you lose part of the scene. It’s impossible to see the full picture when you’re only looking through one eye.
Similarly, mental models provide an internal picture of how the world works. We should continuously upgrade and improve the quality of this picture. This means reading widely from good books, studying the fundamentals of seemingly unrelated fields, and learning from people with wildly different life experiences.
The mind's eye needs a variety of mental models to piece together a complete picture of how the world works. The more sources you have to draw upon, the clearer your thinking becomes. As the philosopher Alain de Botton notes, “The chief enemy of good decisions is a lack of sufficient perspectives on a problem.”

The Pursuit of Liquid Knowledge

In school, we tend to separate knowledge into different silos—biology, economics, history, physics, philosophy. In the real world, information is rarely divided into neatly defined categories. In the words of Charlie Munger, “All the wisdom of the world is not to be found in one little academic department.”
World-class thinkers are often silo-free thinkers. They avoid looking at life through the lens of one subject. Instead, they develop “liquid knowledge” that flows easily from one topic to the next.
This is why it is important to not only learn new mental models, but to consider how they connect with one another. Creativity and innovation often arise at the intersection of ideas. By spotting the links between various mental models, you can identify solutions that most people overlook.

Tools for Thinking Better

Here's the good news:
You don't need to master every detail of every subject to become a world-class thinker. Of all the mental models humankind has generated throughout history, there are just a few dozen that you need to learn to have a firm grasp of how the world works.
Many of the most important mental models are the big ideas from disciplines like biology, chemistry, physics, economics, mathematics, psychology, philosophy. Each field has a few mental models that form the backbone of the topic. For example, some of the pillar mental models from economics include ideas like Incentives, Scarcity, and Economies of Scale.
If you can master the fundamentals of each discipline, then you can develop a remarkably accurate and useful picture of life. To quote Charlie Munger again, “80 or 90 important models will carry about 90 percent of the freight in making you a worldly-wise person. And, of those, only a mere handful really carry very heavy freight.”
I've made it a personal mission to uncover the big models that carry the heavy freight in life. After researching more than 1,000 different mental models, I gradually narrowed it down to a few dozen that matter most. I've written about some of them previously, like entropy and inversion, and I'll be covering more of them in the future. If you're interested, you can browse my slowly expanding list of mental models.
My hope is to create a list of the most important mental models from a wide range of disciplines and explain them in a way that is not only easy to understand, but also meaningful and practical to the daily life of the average person. With any luck, we can all learn how to think just a little bit better.
 
By Olonade Olawale (Brain Feels)

 

Learn How to Think Better and Gain a Mental Edge

 

                Definition: What Are Mental Models?

Let's start with a definition. What are mental models? A mental model is an explanation of how something works. The phrase “mental model” is an overarching term for any sort of concept, framework, or worldview that you carry around in your mind.
Mental models help you understand life. For example, supply and demand is a mental model that helps you understand how the economy works. Game theory is a mental model that helps you understand how relationships and trust work. Entropy is a mental model that helps you understand how disorder and decay work.
Mental models also guide your perception and behavior. They are the thinking tools that you use to understand life, make decisions, and solve problems. Learning a new mental model gives you a new way to see the world—like Richard Feynman learning a new math technique.
Mental models are imperfect, but useful. There is no single mental model from physics or engineering, for example, that provides a flawless explanation of the entire universe, but the best mental models from those disciplines have allowed us to build bridges and roads, develop new technologies, and even travel to outer space. As historian Yuval Noah Harari puts it, “Scientists generally agree that no theory is 100 percent correct. Thus, the real test of knowledge is not truth, but utility.”
The best mental models are the ideas with the most utility. They are broadly useful in daily life. Understanding these concepts will help you make wiser choices and take better actions. This is why developing a broad base of mental models is critical for anyone interested in thinking clearly, rationally, and effectively.

The Big Mental Models

There are thousands of mental models, but the best ones apply broadly to life and are useful in a wide range of situations.
Of all the mental models humankind has generated throughout history, there are just a few dozen that you need to master to have a firm grasp of how the world works. To quote Charlie Munger, “80 or 90 important models will carry about 90% of the freight in making you a worldly-wise person. And, of those, only a mere handful really carry very heavy freight.”
After many hours of research, I have sorted through more than 1,000 mental models and distilled them into a short list of the most important mental models for daily life.

                                      By Olonade Olawale A. (Brain feels)

History of Nigeria

History of Nigeria

The history of Nigeria  can be traced to prehistoric settlers living in the area as early as 11000 BC. Numerous ancient African civilizations settled in the region that is today Nigeria, such as the Kingdom of Nri, the Empire. Benin Empire, and the Oyo Islam reached Nigeria  through the Hausa States  during the 11th century, while Christianity came to Nigeria  in the 15th century through Augustinian and Capuchin monks from Portugal. The Songhai Empire  also occupied part of the region. Lagos  was invaded by British forces in 1851 and formally annexed in 1861. Nigeria became a British protectorate in 1901. Colonization lasted until 1960, when an independence movement succeeded in gaining Nigeria its independence. Nigeria first became a republic  in 1963, but succumbed to military rule three years later after a bloody coup d'état. A separatist movement later formed the Republic of Biafra  in 1967, leading to the three-year Nigerian Civil War. Nigeria became a republic  once again after a new constitution was written in 1979. However, the republic was short-lived, when the military seized power again four years later. A new republic  was planned to established in August 1993, but was dissolved once again by General Sani Abacha  three months later. Abacha died in 1998 and a fourth republic  was later established the following year, which ended three decades of intermittent military rule.

Early History


Archaeological  research, pioneered by Charles Thurstan Shaw  has shown that people were already living in south-eastern Nigeria (specifically Igbo Ukwu, Nsukka, Afikpo and Ugwuele) 100,000 years ago. Excavations in Ugwuele, Afikpo and Nsukka show evidences of long habitations as early as 6,000 BC. However, by 9th Century AD, it seemed clear that the Igbos had settled in Igboland. Shaw's excavations at Igbo-Ukwu, Nigeria revealed a 9th-century indigenous culture that created highly sophisticated work in bronze metalworking, independent of any Arab or European influence and centuries before other sites that were better known at the time of discovery. The earliest known example of a fossil human skeleton found anywhere in West Africa, which is 13,000 years old, was found at Iwo-Eleru in western Nigeria and attests to the antiquity of habitation in the region. [1] Microlithic and ceramic  industries were also developed by savanna pastoralists from at least the 4th millennium BC  and were continued by subsequent agricultural communities. In the south, gathering  gave way to hunting and subsistence farming  around the same time, relying more on the indigenous yam and oil palm than on the cereals important in the North. The stone axe heads, imported in great quantities from the north and used in opening the forest for agricultural development, were venerated by the Yoruba  descendants of [1] neolithic  pioneers as "thunderbolts" hurled to earth by the gods. Iron smelting  furnaces at Taruga  dating from around 600 BC provide the oldest evidence of metalworking  in Sub-Saharan Africa. Kainji Dam  excavations revealed iron-working  by the 2nd century BC. The transition from Neolithic times to the Iron Age  apparently was achieved indigenously without intermediate bronze production. Others suggest the technology moved west from the Age in the Nile Valley, although the Iron Niger River  valley and the forest region appears to predate the introduction of metallurgy in the upper savanna by more than 800 years. The earliest identified iron-using Nigerian culture is that of the Nok culture  that thrived between approximately 900 BC and 200 AD on the Jos Plateau  in north-eastern Nigeria. Information is lacking from the f irst millennium AD following the Nok ascendancy, but by the 2nd millennium there was active trade from North Africa through the Sahara  to the forest, with the people of the savanna acting as intermediaries in exchanges of various goods. 

To be continue........................

          By Olonade Olawale A. (Brain Feels).

SOMETIMES CHARACTER IS NEEDED NOT PRAYER

SOMETIMES CHARACTER IS NEEDED NOT PRAYER                     

 

No matter how we pray, attitude has its place.
This is the strong truth a lot of Christians fail to
understand.
Prayer is good, but prayer isn't the answer to
everything.
Somewhere in the scriptures, the Bible says
that before we pray, he will answer..
You know why? Because we've exhibited attitudes that will attract miracles.....
People, sometimes pray for miracles to happen.
What you need is character, not prayer, not
speaking in tongues.
God is a spirit, and for him to bless you, he needs to pass through a man.

If you lack good relationships with men, you'll hardly be blessed.
God works with relationship.
You must learn to treat people with courtesy..

The Shunammite woman must have been
praying for a child all through her life. I'm sure.
She was a prominent woman and surely she
had money but couldn't buy a child.

You know what made her have a child?
She took care of Elisha, a man of God.
She respected him, she was hospitable, she was
kind, she had character!

Elisha, spoke into her womb and in a year, she
had a child.

Assuming she wasn't hospitable, polite and kind?
She would've still been praying and fasting,
binding and casting demons that don't exist.

Sometimes, we are our demons. Our attitudes
are our destiny killers.
Some of you have insulted people that were divinely orchestrated to help you..
Some of you are keeping malice with your destiny helper..
Some of you are still suffering, not because you lack talent but because you lack character.

Talent is attractive.
Anyone can be talented, but character is a
proof of discipline. A proof of responsibility.
Character sustains the attraction talent gives
you.

Character is virtue, and sometimes what we call FAVOUR is triggered by virtue.

Mary was a Virgin. She had virtue which attracted the favour of being the mother of the Saviour of the world!
In all thy getting, get character..
Respect people.

Treat people, all people, with courtesy.. Be kind..

Your Angel won't always come like an Angel..
Look down on nobody, anyone can change
your life.

It was the maid of Naaman, that told him where to get healing. Naaman was a great man but had leprosy. He must have visited the greatest
hospital in the world as of that time. Who would've ever thought that the solution to his problem was in the mouth of his maid?

Sometimes the solutions to our problems are
trapped in the mouths of mere people, but
many of us are not humble enough to see it. Beware of spiritual pride for it disguises itself as righteousness.

Prayer is not all. Build relationships. God will use man. Respect people. Get character. (Copied)

                        By Olonade O. A (Brain Feels)

What I Do When I Feel Like Giving Up

I am struggling today. If you’ve ever struggled to be consistent with something you care about, maybe my struggle will resonate with you too.

But today? Well, today I am struggling. Today, I don’t feel like writing. Today, I don’t feel like sticking to the routine. Today, I don’t feel like I have any great ideas and I don’t feel like I have enough time to make the good ideas great. Today, I feel like giving up.

Your Mind is a Suggestion Engine

Consider every thought you have as a suggestion, not an order. Right now, my mind is suggesting that I feel tired. It is suggesting that I give up. It is suggesting that I take an easier path.

Your Mind is a Suggestion Engine

Consider every thought you have as a suggestion, not an order. Right now, my mind is suggesting that I feel tired. It is suggesting that I give up. It is suggesting that I take an easier path.

If I pause for a moment, however, I can discover new suggestions. My mind is also suggesting that I will feel very good about accomplishing this work once it is done. It is suggesting that I will respect the identity I am building when I stick to the schedule. It is suggesting that I have the ability to finish this task, even when I don’t feel like.

Remember, none of these suggestions are orders. They are merely options. I have the power to choose which option I follow.

Discomfort Is Temporary

Relative to the time in your normal day or week, nearly any habit you perform is over quickly. Your workout will be finished in an hour or two. Your report will be typed to completion by tomorrow morning. This article will be finished in just a moment.
Life is easier now than it has ever been. 300 years ago, if you didn’t kill your own food and build your own house, you would die. Today, we whine about forgetting our iPhone charger.

Maintain perspective. Your life is good and your discomfort is temporary. Step into this moment of discomfort and let it strengthen you.

You Will Never Regret Good Work Once It is Done

Theodore Roosevelt famously said, “Far and away the best prize that life has to offer is the chance to work hard at work worth doing.” So often it seems that we want to work easily at work worth doing. We want our work to be helpful and respected, but we do not want to struggle through our work. We want our stomachs to be flat and our arms to be strong, but we do not want to grind through another workout. We want the final result, but not the failed attempts that precede it. We want the gold, but not the grind.

Anyone can want a gold medal. Few people want to train like an Olympian.

And yet, despite our resistance to it, I have never found myself feeling worse after the hard work was done. There have been days when it was damn hard to start, but it was always worth finishing. Sometimes, the simple act of showing up and having the courage to do the work, even in an average manner, is a victory worth celebrating.

This Is Life

Life is a constant balance between giving into the ease of distraction or overcoming the pain of discipline. It is not an exaggeration to say that our lives and our identities are defined in this delicate balance. What is life, if not the sum of a hundred thousand daily battles and tiny decisions to either gut it out or give it up?

This moment when you don’t feel like doing the work? This is not a moment to be thrown away. This is not a dress rehearsal. This moment is your life as much as any other moment. Spend it in a way that will make you proud.

Let the World Decide

So, what do I do when I feel like giving up? I show up.

Do I show up at my best? I doubt it. But my job isn’t to judge how good or how bad I am.

             By Olawale O. A (Brain Feels)

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.

Believe in Yourself (And Why Nothing Will Work If You Don’t…)

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.

- Olonade Olawale A.

I'm writing this on Thanksgiving Day in Nigeria. I'm sitting in the home where I was born and raised for my entire life. My family is scattered around the room just a few short feet away.

As I sit back and think about what I'm thankful for this year, I've settled on one thing that seems to have made the difference in my life over and over again. I'm thankful that I believe in myself.

This quality is partially who I am and partially a result of the family and friends that have supported me throughout my life. Regardless of where it comes from, it is the one quality that allows me to not only talk about what I'm grateful for, but also to live it out.

Nothing Will Work If You Don't Believe In It

Earlier this week, I posted an article on 2 psychological tricks that offer easy ways to lose weight. The article was well–received overall, but I also heard a complaint from someone who identified themselves as “NoSalt” (the internet is a strange place).

Here's what NoSalt had to say…

“None of these techniques will work for me:

1. Let your plate control your portion.
My problem is that I eat until I feel full. Sure, I can use a small plate, but I'll just keep going back until I feel full.

2. Pick a color that makes life easy.
How can normal people possibly do this? I don't want to have 3, 4, 5 … different sets of dishes for every color meal that I have.

3. Try the holiday version of intermittent fasting. Literally. Simply don’t eat for a 24–hour period. This strategy is one form of intermittent fasting.

What do I do about my hunger pains? What do I do if I want food? I'll end up snapping at people around me, and chewing all my fingernails to the bone.”
—NoSalt

I did my best to answer the questions with actionable advice that would help the reader overcome the problems mentioned. But there is something much more important going on here.

Are You Determined To Fail?

Do you notice the theme throughout all of the questions? There is an undercurrent of self–doubt and vulnerability. The unspoken thought that drives these questions is, “I don't believe these ideas will work for me.” Or, stated another way, “I don't believe I can make these ideas work. I don't believe in myself.”

Worrying about not being able to implement a few diet changes is just one, tiny example of this fear. But a lack of belief in yourself will limit you no matter how great the ideas or opportunities are that you are exposed to.

My biggest question to the reader above would be this: Why are you determined to make these ideas not work for you? Why are you searching for reasons why these ideas won't succeed instead of figuring out a way to make something good happen?

The biggest difference between successful people and unsuccessful ones (in health, in business, and in life) is that successful people are determined to make the situation work for them rather than playing the role of the victim and searching for reasons why a situation won't work.

No idea will work for every person on the planet, but many ideas can work for most people … if you believe that you can make them work. You have to be willing to not just think differently, but to also to experiment with new ideas and trust that you'll discover a way to make them work.

Believe in Yourself

The biggest difference I've noticed between successful people and unsuccessful people isn't intelligence or opportunity or resources. It's the belief that they can make their goals happen.

We all deal with vulnerability, uncertainty, and failure. Some of us trust that if we move forward anyway, then we will figure it out. As I sit here on Thanksgiving, I'm thankful that I'm one of these people.

When I started my work (Phone and Computer engineering) I was the only entrepreneur in my family. I didn't have anyone to learn from, but I trusted that I would figure it out anyway.

When I was kicked off a train in the middle of the night while i was trying to train myself to become what I wish to be I was lost and confused. I couldn't find anyone who can help me, so as the train pulled away I ran along side, hopped back on, and trusted that I would figure it out anyway.

When I've discovered an opportunity that sounds awesome but that I'm not qualified for (which happens often), I trust that I'll figure it out and go for it anyway.

I believe in myself. This confidence has made the difference for me again and again. I didn't need intelligence or opportunity or resources. Just a simple belief in myself.

Do You Believe That Change Is Possible for You?

One of the most foundational beliefs of this community is that you can become better.

We believe that it is possible for human beings to improve. We believe that it is possible to raise the bar in your own life even if the world around you accepts average. We believe in ourselves and in each other. We believe that if you want better health or more happiness or a more meaningful job that you can make those things happen.

And because of this belief we are willing to test, experiment, and try new things even when we feel uncertain. If you don't believe that it's possible to make new things work, then it's hard to make any progress. I don't care how good the ideas are, nothing will work for you if you don't believe in it. And more importantly, nothing will work if you don't believe in yourself.                                               By Olonade Olawale A. (Brain Feels )

WHAT WOULD LIFE BE WITHOUT MUSIC

What would life be without music?

The world would be a very quiet place. Music is in many ways the fabric of our lives and the definition of society. It is a reminder of how things once were, an indication of how things are, and a view of where society is headed. Music is a direct reflection of the picture of society. Music can be a way to deliver messages, a poetic medium, a fine art, or nothing more than a source of entertainment. No matter what it is used for, music is the perfect art and our lives would be that much less complete without it that life as we know it would not at all be the same without music. Music is the perfect art. It has movement, because it progresses over a set period of time. All musical works have a beginning and an end. However, music does not restrict the audience in the way that movies or graphic art does. The listener can create whatever image she or he wants to when listening to music. It is an art that appeals to the conscious mind, but the best music also appeals to the subconscious. No thought is required to enjoy good music, though it is often thought-inspiring. Instrumental music does not bind the listener into a fixed template in the way that literature and poetry do: the reaction to music is different from person to person. Although it is probably the most difficult to produce the desired imagery in instrumental music, it can be done. BeethovenÕs Opus 27, Number 2, Piano Sonata No. 14, First Movement gives the image of a tired old man writing by the light of the moon and his passion without using any words at all. Music with lyrics is often referred to as "words set to music." This is not always the case. Sometimes it is more accurate to refer to music with lyrics as "music set to words." This form both widens and restricts the composer& Otilde;s artistic range. Lyrics make it easier for composers to bring out their main ideas without expressing them in notes not all composers have the power of Beethoven! However, they restrict the images of the musical work in the same way that prose and poetry limit their subject. Whether instrumental or lyrical, music comes from the people and can enlighten us all. It was during the 1960s that the social revolution and the struggles for civil rights inspired such musicians as Bob Dylan, Janis Joplin and Joan Baez to write songs of protest. In turn, the music of these artists, and many others, influenced the younger generations and spread the word of the revolution. Without music, many teenagers of the time would not have been given the influence of the time or its associated mentality. Music was, and continues to be, a kind of social education to the younger generation. Teenagers turn to popular music for their philosophies and get a sense of their place in the world. In fact, cliques of young people are often defined by the music they listen to: "punks" listen to punk rock and heavy metal; "nerds" are reputed to listen to classical music; the "in" crowd listens to the latest material alternative music has to offer; the "loners" listen to obscure pop artists or classic rock. Youth culture would be much less vivid than it is if the world had no music. Generations would not be sparked to action without music. The war drums of primitive peoples were a kind of music. It was they that stirred the Cavemen and the Vikings to participate in decade-long wars. MusicÕs social influence is ever-present. Our society is shaped by it. Not only is music the chisel of society; it is a constant thread that runs through nature. Music is everywhere: the sound of falling water, the rustle of leaves underfoot, the call of wild birdsNeven the sound of rush-hour traffic is a kind of music. The common definition of music is "a series of pitches and rhythms that have an overall coherence." This definition is limited to man-made music. "Synthetic" music is really just one kind of music. The sounds of nature are all part of the greater Music of the universe. Man-made music is entirely influenced by the true music of nature. The pulse of the heart is the constant bass drum. The sound of walking feet is the alternating snare drum. The rustle of leaves in the wind is the highest string section. A riverÕs flowing sound fills out the harmony. The Symphony of Nature is the mother of manÕs own music. The absence of the greater Music cannot be considered. Music is the Universe. The idea of an absence of man-made music would be almost as inconceivable. For humans to create music is inevitable. It is as natural as thought. With mankind being surrounded by natureÕs Music, he has no choice but to make music of his own. Therefore, the idea of a world without music is highly hypothetical. One would sooner consider a life without experiences or a year without days. A day in a world without music might proceed like this: One would awaken to the sound of a radio announcer speaking about politics. On the way to work, the radio show would consist of interviews with famous personalities. The work day would be terribly boring, since the office would not have any decorations (these would have been made by artists who had been influenced by music). That evening, the television commercials would have no jingles, only women promoting kitchen cleaners in white kitchens. The contestants of Jeopardy! would write down their questions for Final Jeopardy in complete silence, without the famous tune. The evening movie would be almost mute. It would seem to be like a silent film, with no incidental or theme music to augment the otherwise bland actors. In the restaurant, the date would be boring and unenlightening. Neither he nor she would be able to come out with any remotely intelligent ideas without music in the background to keep the brain working. The nightÕs dreams would not be scored with a happy tune or a slow nocturne. They would take place in silence, a drab, dark world of nothing. This "world without music" seems to have incoherence and cracks in it. It does not make sense and does not quite explain itself. Music is essential for the world to even make sense. It is as fundamentally inherent as gravity is in the universe. Any attempt to restrict or control music, such as is made in communist politics, is both vain and unrealistic. One cannot challenge the broadloom of the universe when making political policies! To think that the natural urge to create music in the image of the greater Music can be repressed is an exercise in na*vetŽ. Music is societyÕs mark. The history of human musicians is rich, and has many fine people lining its ranks. Music has changed the artistic and non-artistic world immeasurably, such that a world without music is nothing more than a terrifying fantasy. The very prospect is difficult to consider. A world without music would be a quiet place indeed.

                 

                                                             write by: Olawale Olonade (brain feels)

THE AFRICAN PROBLEMS (PART 5)

#5 Poor Legacies

It was a hot afternoon and I was very hungry already. So I left the studio to go grab some lunch. One of my favorite restaurants was across the street and as usual, I quickly found my way there. As I stepped in, I could hear the owner of the restaurant lamenting. Her voice was coming from the kitchen. I stepped forward to order for my launch. She attended to me… still lamenting. As at that time, I was the only customer in the restaurant and from her mode of expression, I could sense that she just concluded a conversation with the last guy who walked out of the place before I came in. She was discussing with herself but she kept on looking at me as though I was being addressed. I collected my food

THE AFRICAN PROBLEMS (PART 4)

Everyone wants to prove that their life is better and perfect.

#4 Oppression by Impression

There are several ways by which people oppress one another; it may be by sheer violence, by brute force or by cunny manipulations. However, one of the ways by which we try to suppress ourselves even in modern Africa is what I call ­Oppression by Impression. This is so common among us and in fact, it‘s cultural. Everyone wants to impress/oppress their neighbors. Everyone wants to show they are superior. Everyone wants to prove that their life is better and perfect. But this kind of impression has a way of getting back at the one who’s trying to make it, especially when the person you’re trying to oppress is not impressed. Just the other day

POTENTIAL: UNDERSTANDING MAXIMIZATION

Your Future Is Coded Inside The Seed.

Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it. Because what the world needs is more people who have come alive. Those who're passionate enough to unleash their potential; what makes them different and unique right from within. Life is full of potential, including you.

THE AFRICAN PROBLEMS (Story Behind)

Call us Black. Call us Monkeys, Apes, Gorillas or worse; but that would not make us white.

A More Comprehensive Note

As a liberal author who loves to share his opinions with different categories of people, I've understood over time that no matter how plain or compendious you try to make your points, there are some kind of people who wouldn’t understand still, not because they can't but because they don't even try to. Most of these people are opinionated and defensive. They are theorists who are afraid that a shining light of reality may prove them wrong. Such people grew up with, developed or accepted some particular mindsets. These theories they adopt become their realities. They talk about it. They preach it (even when they can't live it). They make their religion out of it and deliberately shut their eyes and hearts against other realities around them.

THE AFRICAN PROBLEMS (PART 3)

#3 Lack of Originality

Merriam Webster Dictionary defines Originality as the power of independent thought and constructive imagination. Well, I decide to define Lack of Originality as the power to produce nothing but purchase everything. It's an African problem not because we can't produce but because we are so obsessed with foreign products to the point where we stop improving on our own and then treat what we make with disdain. The end result is that we spend all our fortunes helping foreign countries improve and create new things (by purchasing them at very high expenses). Meanwhile we grow more dependent on the rest of the world. We can no longer live without the things they create, and since we have to spend all our earnings on their products, we are broke enough to be unable to make our own.

You may want to read THE COMPREHENSIVE NOTE on The African Problems series.

UNDERSTANDING YOUR RESOURCES

Everyone has talent. What's rare is the courage to follow it to the dark places where it leads.Talent is one of the most valuable assets that you can possess – makes sense, right? In this competitive, global workplace, almost anyone can develop skills, but talent defines your true potential – the internal, natural ability to do something well as you integrate your education, training, innate gifts, experiences, emotional intelligence and purpose. To realize and maximize potential, the holistic approach of assessment is a key factor to define your talent and chart opportunities for it to develop. Your diamonds are not in far distant mountains or in yonder seas; they are in your own backyard, if you but dig for them. Talent develops in quiet places, character in the full current of human life. It hits a target no one else can hit but genius hits a target no one else can see.

THE AFRICAN PROBLEMS (PART 2)

In the The African Problems (Part 1), I was able to discuss Materialism as a major attitude that we need to battle as Africans. I discussed how it has affected us from the past till the present moment and how each one of us can change things by being less materialistic. Today, I'll go on and discuss the next attitude I consider to be a major set-back for us.

Everybody was satisfied with a culture of celebrations and ceremonies.

 

COURAGE: UNDERSTANDING THE POWER

Martin Luther King was a man that spanned for only 39 years. He was a black man in the American society. However, he is a man that would be remembered forever. In fact, there are places in the United States of America named after him. He was a man that stood on behalf of the blacks living in America at a period in which the blacks were looked down upon by the whites. This is what is called RACISM. At this period, the blacks were inferior to the whites. They lived as slaves among the whites. In fact, it was in the law that when a black is seated in a bus while a white is standing, if demanded by the white he was supposed to stand up for the white to sit down. It was that bad. They didn't have access to the things the whites had. Their source of survival was mostly at the mercy of the whites. Oh! What a life. No freedom as a human, a black can be bullied by the white and he would still go scot-free.

THE AFRICAN PROBLEMS (PART 1)

Introduction
We Africans by all means have contributed significantly to the world's civilization in all areas of life and professions. Our exploits fill human history. We're a strong, hardworking and relentless. Martin Luther King Jnr, Chinua Achebe, Nelson Mandela, Michael Jackson, Desmond Tutu, Mohammed Ali, Wole Soyinka, Barack Obama, Usain Bolt and many more have made  enormous inputs that have changed our world in general. Yet, from the view of the world, it seems something is still wrong with us. And not only from the view of the world but even those among us whose eyes have been realistically opened can tell that our continent really needs to undergo genuine intellectual growth. Although most of us have lived in so much pretense that we with the attitude of the unconcerned (and often religiously) wave away any kind of discussion tending to address our problems. Hence, like a patient with a chronic disease who proudly covers up his wounds from treatments, we now have to suffer the consequences as our own wounds start to eat us up, set us behind the world and gradually destroy us.

MEET THE HOME CREW

The Home Crew enters the new year with hope, focus, prayer and a promise to relentlessly serve God and everyone by embarking on beautiful and life-transforming projects. May God help us. Amen.

What is the Home Crew?  

Actually, the Home Crew is a group of young people with different backgrounds, brought together through a common passion, lived through similar experiences and generating a common mindset. We are a family of love, passion and unity connected first of all through music and glued by a seal of beautiful experiences which makes it difficult for us to let go of one another. After many years of shared livelihood and affairs, we are happy to embark on this journey of reaching out to the world via our common love (in music) and with a common goal (to bless people) by God's capacity and grace. Amen.