New hints Ritualist Use now could be risky, Please read and Be Vigilant so that you do not Fall A victim

New hints Ritualist Use now could be risky, Please read and Be Vigilant so that you do not Fall A victim

Ritualist and yahoo boys has been a very serious a issue in Our communities today, as the world develops that how all this humans create their own technique of sacrifices. And this on the increase.


Please if you need to go into Keke Napep or Taxi, and the rider or driver uses a bit of cloth or handkerchief to wipe or easy the returned seat for you, please do not sit down on it. They might use you for rituals or they simply suffocate you using their charms.

Share this message to people you care about. Protect lives.

Please if someone stops you and asks you, in case you are interested in some fragrance and gives you a paper to sniffing as sample, please do not allow that.

It is a brand new scam.The paper is laced with tablets. You could pass out. And you will be robbed off your possessions or get kidnapped.

This message became obtained from a Senior Police Officer this morning. Please Take notice and alert anyone u need to protect. This isn't always a shaggy dog story... It taking place and is killing innocent human beings every day.

AMOTEKUN WE'VE INVITED TO ABUJA

FG declares Amotekun illegal: Gani Adams replies Malami in open letter

According to Daily Trust

Dear Sir,

*PROTEST OVER YOUR ILLEGAL ORDER TO SOUTH-WEST GOVERNORS*
I find it disturbing your statement of Tuesday January 14, 2020 declaring the security initiative of South-West governors ‘Amotekun’ as illegal.

You also threatened that the full course of the law will be applied to anybody promoting the Amotekun security initiative.

Maybe you have forgotten. I need to remind you that you are the Attorney-General of the country, not a section of the country.

So, your outburst against the governors who were elected, not selected or appointed, is against the spirit of the 1999 Constitution (as amended).

The right to life is universal and no government can legislate against that. I don’t need to bother you about killings, kidnappings, banditry and other criminal vices in the South-West recently.

Even Mrs. Funke Olakunrin, the daughter of Yoruba leader, Pa Reuben Fasoranti, was killed and nobody has been arrested in respect of all these killings.

One thing is clear: Nigerians have the right to protect themselves. Not only that: South-West people have a right to protect and defend themselves against attacks.

Amotekun is an initiative by the South-West governors to defend our people.

Where you are getting it wrong is this: The Amotekun initiative has nothing to do with the territorial integrity of Nigeria. If there is a breach of the territorial integrity of the country, the military will come in immediately.

So, nobody is rising against Nigeria, as your letter to the governors, directly or indirectly, implied.

What is happening is that our people no longer feel safe because the land has been invaded by some elements from within and outside the country.

It is unfortunate that rather than praise the governors, you are condemning their action, thereby strengthening the hands of those who believe the Federal Government is against some sections of the country.

As a lawyer and a Senior Advocate, you should know that you are not the law. You are only the Attorney-General, not a court.

It is only a court of competent jurisdiction that will decide if what an individual, group of individuals, an entity or a state does is legal or otherwise.

So, it is only a court that can invalidate the South-West joint security initiative, not you.

I want to establish this fact that the Yoruba have a right to protect themselves from attack or violence of any sort.”

Issues of security is highly sensitive, and we can now understand where the threat is coming from. It is unfortunate that the FG is doing everything to frustrate the southwest governors’ efforts.

For instance, last Wednesday, that was less than 24-hours before the launching of Amotekun in Ibadan, the Presidency summoned the southwest governors to Aso rock.

We knew about the intrigues that played out at the meeting. We knew about the frustrations at Aso rock, but the governors, having realised the implications of playing politics with the lives of their people, stood their ground and went ahead to launch the security outfit as planned”

So, it is your position on this volatile situation that is illegal, unlawful, immoral and of no effect because your declaration has proved some critics right that some states in the country are deliberately left vulnerable to attacks by criminals.

I want to state that the right to life cannot be in the exclusive list of any serious government.

I call on Governors Babajide Sanwo-Olu (Lagos), Dapo Abiodun (Ogun), Seyi Makinde (Oyo), Gboyega Oyetola (Osun), Rotimi Akeredolu (Ondo) and Kayode Fayemi (Ekiti) to ignore your position on this matter.

Why do people employ guards in their houses? For security.

Why do Community Development Associations (CDAs) employ guards to secure streets and areas? To ensure protection of lives and property.

Is that initiative in the exclusive list of the constitution? No.

I repeat that the right to preserve and protect your life can never be in the exclusive list of any government.

I am aware of similar security outfits in other sections of the country. Why you are against the protection of the lives and properties of Yoruba people defies logic.

This week is the 50th anniversary of the end of the civil war. We should do everything to avoid plunging the country into another war.

Mr. Malami, please don’t set a bad precedence.

Iba Gani Abiodun Ige Adams

15th Aare Ona Kakanfo of Yorubaland.

Why Do Girls Like Bad Boys?

Nice guys finish last. We’ve all heard it. Since the dawn of popular media, movies and books have pushed the narrative that women fall for the bad boy. You know the bad boy, the commitment-phobic jerk, whose best features are his looks and the sense of adrenaline you get from chasing him.

In Crazy Stupid Love, notorious bad boy Ryan Gosling takes soon-to-be divorced Steve Carell under his wing to help him regain his manhood. Following Gosling’s prescription Carell gets more success with women, but the relationships are shorter and unfulfilling. I won’t spoil the ending, but to find love, both men (Carell and Gosling) have to remember how to be nice guys again because real relationships happen with nice guys, not bad boys.

Some men have followed the advice of men like Gosling’s character. Some dating books targeted to men even go so far as to teach their readers how to create this bad boy image and how to perfect negging.

Don’t do this! Choosing to be a jerk on purpose damages your chance of forming meaningful long-term relationships and perpetuates a myth that decades of scientific research do not support. Heartbreakers are just that: heartbreakers, and you don’t want to break the heart of a special lady and your own in the process.

A study by David M. Buss and Todd K. Shackelford found that women self-report they want men that represent good genes, economic security, parenting proclivities, and emotional commitment. Since the stereotypical bad boy is flippant, philandering, and likely under- or unemployed, women report they actually want the exact opposite of a bad boy: they want what would be better deemed as mature nice men.

Sigal Tifferet and Daniel J. Kruger in their study surveyed 1,365 women, ranging in age from 14 to 68, about their preferences in a male partner. The women were asked to rate how likely they would be to have a long-term or short-term relationship with a “dad” or “cad.” (To clarify: the men labeled as “dads” didn’t necessarily have children; they were just seen as more stable/secure men, or ones women would see as more likely to become good fathers).

Women generally preferred the “dad” type for a long-term partner and the “cad” for a short-term affair. However, older women tended to prefer the “dad” type for all relationship lengths. This makes sense since the partners we want can change over time, especially as we move our focus away from just sex and/or love to things like security, family plans, and commitment.

The results of that study shows that “dads” find more meaningful long-lasting loves with ladies who want the same things, and that should be your goal, gentlemen!

If you’re a stable, emotionally available, mature, nice guy, your best bet is to keep being you because you’ll be more likely to attract like-minded women. Emotionally mature women are going to want to be treasured for whom they are and do the same for their match. They aren’t going to want to bother with the mess that a bad boy leaves wherever he goes.

In another study, the attractiveness of altruism (doing acts of selfless service) was rated. When participants read dating ads that included things like, “I volunteer at an animal shelter,” they automatically rated those individuals as more attractive than their counterparts who didn’t include such statements. It makes sense since we often assume that people who volunteer or are otherwise altruistic have good moral character, which we often look for when we are looking for a long-term mate.

Other studies have shown that women prefer men who seem sensitive, easy-going, confident and don’t like at all men who come across as aggressive and demanding. Clearly, science shows that women actually prefer nice guys!

It’s also important to consider what kind of women go for “bad boys” and if those women would be the kind of lady you’d like to be with yourself. Most women who are attracted to bad boys are attracted to them for some very wrong reasons. These women are often emotional adrenaline junkies who love the unpredictability and the chaos typical of these “cads.” They, just like the cads they’re chasing, are afraid of commitment, so they are attracted to men who will obviously not give them anything long-term. They also may be young and/or emotionally immature.

Despite the stereotypes wrapped up in this ugly power dynamic, bad boys don’t win. Yes, you may get some players in your game, but you’ll likely end up feeling empty and alone. Nice guys don’t finish last because they actually finish first in the love game.

8 Ways To Show Appreciation To The Love Of Your Life

We all get pulled in a million different directions and therefore forget about the importance of being able to show appreciation to the love of your life. If you’re like most people you are over committed and trying to constantly cross things off your “to do list”. Taking time to slow down and tell your loved one how important they are to you simply isn’t a priority. Though we appreciate them we also have a tendency to take them for granted, and this is where a relationship can go down the wrong path. Making a conscious effort to show a little gratitude or showering words of appreciation to a loved one can go a long way!

Appreciating love

This is the person that you have committed your life to and that shows you love every day. Sure they have their moments as we all do, but this is the person who truly is the love of your life—and so you want to show them just how important they are to you. This doesn’t need to be anything elaborate or expensive, for sometimes the smallest tokens can help to show appreciation in a really big way. It’s all about thinking through what they like, what makes them happy, and what will help them to feel important and loved when all is said and done. Here are some simple but effective ways to show appreciation of love and have fun with it too!

1. Do something for them for no reason at all

You don’t need a special occasion to do something nice for them. It also doesn’t need to be anything fancy for it can be as simple as a card or giving them a massage. The important part here is to take the time out to do something just for them, for no reason at all, and with no strings attached.
You aren’t doing this to get anything yourself, but rather to help them to feel loved in a simple but meaningful way. The little things will help to put a smile on their face, and they will feel important all because of a small token of appreciation.

2. Cook a favorite meal that you know will make them happy

What a simple idea to appreciate the love! Cook their favorite dinner so that they are surprised when they get home and it’s waiting for them. Pack their lunch for them one day out of the blue, or even try surprising them with breakfast in bed. The way to the heart is through the stomach—and making them a favorite meal is sure to help them feel appreciated and feed their body and soul.

3. Send them a text just to let them know you love & appreciate them

There’s nothing better than a surprise text in the middle of the day to make you smile. If you want to show appreciation to the love of your life, then send them a quick text in the middle of a busy workday simply to let them know you’re thinking of them and that you love them. It’s unexpected and it’s simple, but those few words can mean so much. Catch them off guard and they will be beaming when they see you later on—again the little things mean so much!

4. Give them the day off from responsibilities so that they can relax

We all get caught up in all the things we have to do, and sometimes just giving them a day off can work wonders. Tell them that it’s their day to relax and you take over their responsibilities around the house. Do the grocery shopping, clean the house, mow the lawn, or do something so that they don’t have to.
Allow them time to sleep in and relax and show them that you are doing this because you appreciate all that they do for you. It’s one day and though it means more work for you, it will go a long way in helping them to feel truly appreciated.

5. Pamper them and set the tone for a day of love and attention

If you have the means send them to the spa for a couple of hours. Nothing can help a person to feel cherished quite like a day of pampering! If you are tight on funds then set up a spa day at home.
Draw them a bath, set up candles, make them a special lunch, and give them a massage. Everyone likes to be taken care of once in awhile, and this goes a long way in giving them time to unwind and reflect upon how much they mean to you in the process.

6. Tell them thank you

And remind them how important they are to you as often as possible. It can be something as simple as saying “thank you” or “I love you” that goes the furthest. Remind them through your words how important they are to you, and tell them face to face how much you care. Having an open and direct line of communication means that you get to share with them what they mean to you all the time—so just remember to do this and to speak your words of gratitude and that may be all that it takes in the end.

7. Show appreciation in a unique & affectionate way

Hold onto them in that hug a little longer. Kiss a little deeper, and look them in the eyes with the affection that you have. Sometimes you do have to actually show that appreciation through affection and love.
When you can look them in the eyes and make physical intimacy and that connection a true priority then you are telling them all that they need to know. Though life gets busy, working to keep that bond and physical connection strong will ensure that they know how you feel and show them it without speaking any words at all.

8. Talk to them, remind them why you love them

And help them by supporting them. Being there for somebody that you love is often the best way to show your appreciation. Help them through something or just listen to them when they need you. Though it’s always nice to show appreciation to the love of your life in unique ways, it can also be about getting back to basics.
Remind them why you love them, show them that you are there for them, and help to support them when they need a little lift. When somebody knows that they can count on you, then it’s the ultimate compliment and it helps to build somebody up when they need it. A little gesture can go a long way, and the appreciation will always be reciprocated too!

MaryFisher

What Kind of Liar Are You?

What Kind of Liar Are You?

Do you lie? I do.

You can also chat with us

I am not perfect, nor do I strive to be. But I do strive to be honest, fair and well intentioned. So you might imagine the shame and surprise I felt recently when I discovered I lie.

to In my anxiety over being late to teach a class, I parked in a lot with an expired permit. I was hoping I could keep the parking patrol at bay by altering and displaying an expired permit until I had enough time to purchase a valid permit. Ironically, it never dawned on me I was telling an actual LIE-LIE, until I returned from class to find two wheel locks on my car and a neon-colored decoupache made of my car windows that served as the backdrop to big, bold black letters reading: "You have falsified information." Oh, and a small citation of 50k  . It was a modern-day tar and feathering attack meant to evoke humiliation. It worked.

Unconsciously I minimized the parking permit policy as annoying and unnecessary, and, therefore, toyed with its importance. I was unaware of all the policies and underestimated the importance of adherence. I disagreed with the policy but the university had the authority. So I deceived the institution, deeming it socially acceptable. It didn't harm anyone, and, I rationalized, bending such insignificant rules enforced by law, governmentor institutional policy seemed innocuous and perhaps even deserved.

Still, it was a lie. And it got me thinking: Do lies come in shades of gray, degrees, if you will, making some lying socially acceptable, even a virtue in the right social context? If so, who determines these parameters and what motivates people to lie?

"There is hardly a legitimate everyday vocation or relationship whose performers do not engage in concealed practices which are incompatible with fostered impressions," said the late Sociology pioneer, Erving Goffman (1959). Paul Ekman, a pioneering psychologist of emotions and facial expressions said, "Lying is a central characteristic of life. Lies can be humane; even altruistic. Some social relationships rely on lies to preserve the myths they enjoy" (1988). Case in point, Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy.

Ekman defines lying as a deliberate choice to mislead a target without notifying the intent to do so. He identifies two forms of lying: Concealment, leaving out true statements, and Falsification, presenting false information as if it were true. Ekman further identifies other, less direct ways of lying:

1. Misdirecting - Identifying an emotion but not acknowledging what caused it.

2. Telling the truth falsely, or telling with such exaggeration or humor that the target remains misled

3. Half concealment (admitting only half the truth) to deflect the target's interest in what       is still concealed

4. Telling truth in a way that is opposite of what is said

5. Telling the truth with a twist.

Lying in the Office
Take a look around your office. How many lies are being told each day? Does your boss take the "team" to lunch on the corporate card, only to claim it as a client lunch on an expense report (Falsification)? Has an employee ever confronted you about potential lay-off concerns and you remain silent instead of confirming or denying rumors (Concealment) or play coy to what you know (Half Concealment) and only days later lay-off the employee? Do you say you're happy for a colleague who has been promoted while you feel resentment that you weren't instead? Perhaps you're in charge of your company's corporate communications and convey the company's financial standings to employees with a positive spin, despite knowing the opposite is true.

Lying At Home
What about at home? Do you promote the Santa Claus mythology with your children? Do you tell your husband nothing's bothering you when he asks, or say you're not feeling well instead of acknowledging you're upset with him? Are you having an affair? Are you flirtingon the internet and concealing it or minimizing the relationship and feelings you're experiencing? Are you canceling dinner plans citing the absent babysitter as an excuse, when you simply don't want to attend?

However trivial, important or socially altruistic, these are all lies. Yet we harshly judge others by their lies. Individually and culturally we tacitly measure how bad or understandable a lie is. We use our value systems and experiences to judge why people lie and to determine if we deem it justified. We debate: "Would I want to know if my spouse cheated on me once a long time ago?" or "Do I want to know if my significant other's mother thinks I am a lousy homemaker?" We wonder if we should divulge our own indiscretions. And we look to our politicians, religious leaders, teachers, sports figures and celebrities to uphold a moral code that, we ourselves, cannot uphold. Yet, we shame them. We boycott them. We demand resignations and explanations.

Why we lie is fascinating. But why we judge is ironic. We lie to self-preserve, for self-presentation, to gain something (status, attention, goods, money), and, yes, we lie for altruistic social reasons. But aren't these some of the very same reasons we judge others for their lies, to position ourselves as good and moral (self-presentation), to gain something (status, notoriety), self-preserve (establish a feeling of superiority, ‘better than or good-enough'), and social reasons (fitting in)?

As for my bold-faced parking permit lie, admittedly, I didn't feel bad about it even after being ticketed because I considered it a trivial infraction. It wasn't until a highly regarded professor witnessed the visually embarrassing aftermath of my lie that I felt shame. You see, my nicely packaged "press kit" of how I wanted a colleague to see me had been tarnished. So when he asked if it was my car, the only way to self-preserve my self-respect in that moment was to tell the truth. Perhaps Ghandi said it best when he said, "Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony."

How Do You Know that You’re with the Right Person?

At some point in most relationships, people ask themselves the same question, “Is this one the right person for me?” Whether you’re brand new or seven years in, it’s an inevitable question.

The question isn’t necessarily born out of doubt or insecurity. It can be a normal, healthy skepticism to try and balance out your romantic, attachment feelings for your significant other. We may love someone immensely, but still not be compatible with him or her in the long-term.

So how do you know you’re with the right person? How do you know your love will stand the test of time?

Once you’ve moved on from the honeymoon phase of a new relationship — where you’re both enamored of the “newness” of the relationship and exploring each others personalities and histories — relationships tend to settle into a familiar, comfortable pattern. Couples build upon shared experiences that tend to bring them closer together and reinforce their couplehood.

Sometimes along the path of couplehood, however, people in relationships hit rough patches. Those are normal and to be expected. But they can also be signs of greater, unspoken issues in the relationship, and raise the question of whether you’re truly right for one another.

7 Signs You’re With the Right Person

1. Satisfaction is high for both

Relationships that work out in the long-term have one important thing in common — both partners claim to experience high levels of satisfaction with the relationship. It’s working for them, boosting them up on days when they’re feeling down, and sharing in and celebrating each other’s life accomplishments. Both people in the relationship feel like they’re benefiting from it.

You’re in the right relationship if you feel your partner is there for you when you need support, and that the relationship is overall a great addition to your life. In short, it’s adding value to the joy you experience in life.

2. Conflict is handled in a similar or complementary manner for both

Conflict in a relationship is inevitable and normal. It’s not the conflict itself that’s generally a problem, but rather how each person handles that conflict is an important indicator of whether that person is right for you. Two people who have entirely different and contradictory ways of handling conflict aren’t likely to last long.

You’re in the right relationship if you and your partner handle conflict in similar or complementary ways. You don’t have to be exactly on the same page, but you do have to agree on how arguments will be handled and respect each other’s choices and argument style.

3. There is no abuse or manipulation — of any kind

You may think this is a given and that it doesn’t even need to be said. But too many people “settle” for a relationship where abuse — emotional, psychological, sexual, or physical — occurs. Even once is one time too many. A normal, healthy relationship is one where such abuse never occurs because it’s not even on the table. The same goes for manipulation as well. If you ignored little warning signs along the way thinking that you could “change” the other person into doing less of an offensive behavior, you were kidding yourself. You can’t change others — they need to change themselves (and actively work toward such change).

The right relationship for you will not have any kind of abuse or manipulation occurring in it. Love never condones abuse for any reason.

4. You have never been more satisfied in a relationship

If you compare your current relationship with all of your past ones and find that the current one pushes all of the right buttons, that’s a sign you’ve made the right choic

e. You have to be careful with this one, however, because memory is not always accurate in our recollection of the past. We often change things in ways that fit our own internal narrative, sometimes for better, sometimes for worse. So you have to try and be as objective as you can when doing this.

If you can’t remember another relationship that felt better, treated you better, or helped boost your life in pursuit of your dreams and happiness, then you’re in the right relationship.

5. You can’t imagine being more happy and satisfied

Tied to #1, not only is satisfaction high in the relationship for both people, but you can’t imagine being any happier in a relationship with anyone else. People who do imagine other relationships being more happy are typically unsatisfied with one or more aspects of their current relationship. And generally, I’m not talking about minor annoyances (like how he never takes out the trash until he’s asked). I’m talking about significant relationship issues that burden you with their weight every week.

You’re in the right relationship if you can’t readily imagine being more happy or satisfied with another person.

6. You know who you are and what you want out of life

People in a satisfied and happy romantic relationship know who they are and what they want out of life. If you don’t know those things, you’d be hard pressed to say whether you’re with the right person, because you don’t even know yourself well enough to ask the question.

The right person for you will be someone you know you want and need in your life, that complements your personality and expectations, and adds to your life in ways that you most value. If you truly know yourself and your own needs, you also likely know what kind of person you most want.

7. Neither person harbors long-standing resentments toward the other, nor withholds forgiveness

If occasional conflict is normal in relationships, ruminating and holding on to resentments is not. People who can’t let go of past hurts are typically not people who can hold on to a relationship, because inevitably they will find a reason to resent their significant other. Healthy people find ways to let go such hurts with time and forgiveness. Forgiveness is a part of every healthy relationship; withholding forgiveness is akin to withholding love.

You’re in the right relationship if both you and your partner are able to let past resentments go, and forgive each other with an open heart.

Give your comment and you can also subscribe by submit your e-mail 

Clear Signs It Is Time to Let Go of Your Relationship

Four Clear Signs It Is Time to Let Go of Your Relationship

Relationships require a vast amount of investment such as time, money, and most of all emotional energy. The more you invest in your relationship the more it shapes your choices and ultimately your life. When you have so much invested it can be hard to let go, for reasons such as worrying about the impact on the kids, wondering if you have really put forth enough effort, or the fear of being alone. But when a relationship deteriorates there is inevitably always a time when the damage has been done and no amount of salvaging can save it. Knowing, when to let go is extremely key to being able to cut your losses, maintain your own mental health and well-being, and move forward toward the better relationship you deserve. Below are 4 reasons that would indicate it is time to let go of a relationship. If even one of these exist it is likely enough of a reason to move on.

1. The goodness is gone.

While chemistry and shared values are important, at the end of the day solid relationships are built on the goodness that exists between two people. Goodness is what holds relationships together. It is the kindness, the good will toward each other, the being on that person’s side even when they might be wrong, the willingness to forgive flaws and mistakes, the tolerance for their annoying habits. It’s the support, the admiration, the respect, the dedication, and commitment you have with each other. The goodness doesn’t generally disappear over-night, it’s something that erodes slowly over time. Behaviors that indicate the goodness may be waning include chronic irritability, anger, distance, meanness, and lack of respect of any kind. Unfortunately, once the goodness fades, there has generally been so much hurt in the relationship, that it is very hard to regain.

2. You are being disrespected.

Respect is one of the most important aspects of any relationship, it even trumps trust because you cannot trust someone who disrespects you. Even small slights matter, because the way someone treats you ultimately reveals their character and their true feelings about you. Disrespect can come in many forms and you may not always fully recognize it on the surface, but you will always feel it. It's that kicked in the gut feeling you get when some normative expectation that exists within the relationship has been violated. Behaviors such as insults, lying, or cheating are all disrespect and what they really show is a lack of concern about how you feel and the impact these behaviors have on you.

If you’re not sure if someone is being disrespectful or just unaware, tell the person how their behavior is making you feel and see what happens. If the person makes an effort to understand your perspective and alter their behavior, then they are showing you that they care, but if they dismiss you or go right back to the same behavior, then they are showing a lack of respect for you and your relationship.

3. You are trying too hard.

The energy flow between two people in most healthy relationships is generally fairly equal. The give and take should allow both people, for the most part, to feel they are getting their needs met. When a relationship starts to deteriorate, it can feel like one person is doing all the work to maintain the relationship, which creates an unbalance and a disconnect. The person doing all the work can become resentful and the person on the receiving end can become more and more complacent. When you try too hard to get someone to come toward you, what generally happens is they move in the opposite direction. If you feel you’ve been doing most of the work in the relationship lately, take a big step back and see what happens. If your partner starts to pick up the slack and come toward you, then the possibility of re-aligning the energy still exists. If, however, you step back and your partner gets angry or continues to drift further away, then chances are he/she isn’t coming back.

4. It’s all about the other person.

While all relationships are different, both people should generally feel there is room for them to grow and develop, to feel their individual dreams and aspirations in life matter. They should feel there is space for their interests to be included in the relationship and that there is enough opportunity for each person’s needs to be met. Relationships that are unbalanced in this respect tend to revolve around one person. The person who the relationship revolves around is generally satisfied with this arrangement while the other person ends up feeling, resentful, used, and like they are living someone else’s life. If you feel like the relationship is all about the other person, try creating some space for yourself and being vocal about your needs, if the other person gets upset or isn’t responsive then it is likely that to find yourself and maintain your own identity, you may have to move on. 

Saying goodbye is never easy, but maintaining yourself respect and dignity are key to your mental well-being and sometimes letting go is the best thing you can do for yourself. Know that when you take care of you, you are putting yourself in the best possible position to be in a happy, healthy, and fulfilling relationship and it is just a matter of time before you find one. 

What is the meaning of Jesus’ sacrifice?

Simple but Powerful: What is the meaning of Jesus’ sacrifice?

Jesus came to give himself as a sacrifice for all peoples so that we could escape our corruption and reconnect with God.  This plan was announced at the beginning of human history, such that even the ancient Chinese knew of it.  It was signed by God in the sacrifice of Abraham by pointing to Mount Moriah where Jesus’ sacrifice would be provided.  Then the Jewish Passover sacrifice was a sign pointing to the day of the year when Jesus would be sacrificed.  Further details were predicted in various prophecies in the Old Testament.

Why is his sacrifice so important?  This is a question that summarizes the whole Bible – it is its main message.  The Bible declares a Law when it states:

For the wages of sin is death… (Romans 6:23)

“Death” literally means ‘separation’.  When our soul separates from our body we die physically.  Similarly we are even now separated from God spiritually.  This is true because God is Holy (sinless) while we have become corrupted from our original creation and so we sin.

This can be pictured with two cliffs with God on the opposite side from us separated by a large gap.  Just like a branch that has been cut from a tree is separated and dead, so we have cut ourselves off from God and become separated and spiritually dead.

We are separated from God by our sins like a chasm separating two cliffs

This separation causes guilt and fear.  So what we naturally try to do is build bridges to take us from our side (of death) to God’s side.  We do this in many different ways: going to church, temple or mosque, being religious, being good, helping the poor, meditation, trying to be more helpful, praying more, etc.  These deeds are often through religion to gain merit and can be very difficult – and living them out can be very complicated.  This is illustrated in the next figure.

Religious Merit and Good Effort – useful as they may be – cannot bridge the separation between us and God

The problem is that our hard efforts, merits, and deeds, though not wrong, are insufficient because the payment required (the ‘wages’) for our sins is ‘death’.  Our efforts are like a ‘bridge’ that tries to cross the gap separating us from God – but in the end cannot do it.  This is because good merit will not solve our root problem. It is like trying to heal cancer (which results in death) by eating vegetarian.  Eating vegetarian is not bad, it may even be good – but it will not cure cancer.  For a cancer cure you need a totally different treatment.

This Law is Bad News – it is so bad we often do not even want to hear it and we fill our lives with activities and things hoping this Law will go away.  But the Bible stresses this Law of sin and death to get our attention to focus on the cure that is simple and powerful.

For the wages of sin is death but… (Romans 6:23)

The small word ‘but’ shows that the direction of the message is about to change directions, to the Good News of the Gospel – the cure.  It shows both the goodness and love of God.

For the wages of sin is death but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 6:23)

The good news of the gospel is that the sacrifice of Jesus’ death is sufficient to bridge this separation between us and God.  We know this because three days after his death Jesus rose bodily, coming alive again in a physical resurrection.   Most of us do not know about the evidence for his resurrection.  Jesus’ sacrifice was prophetically acted out in Abraham’s sacrifice and the Passover sacrifice.  These signs pointing to Jesus were put there to help us find the cure.

Jesus said about himself:

 “Very truly I tell you,” Jesus answered, “before Abraham was born, I AM!” (John 8:53)

When Jesus said he was ‘I Am’, he was using an Old Testament name for God.  But Jesus was also a man.  As the Bible says:

For there is one God and one mediator between God and mankind, the man Christ Jesus. (1 Timothy 2:5)

Because he was both human and Divine, he is a mediator between God and mankind.  Therefore he can ‘touch’ both sides of the chasm and span the gap separating God and people.  He is a Bridge to Life which can be pictured like this:

Jesus is the Bridge that spans the chasm between God and mankind

Notice how this sacrifice of Jesus is given to us.  It is offered as a … ‘gift’.  Think about gifts.  No matter what the gift is, if it is really a gift it is something that you do not work for and that you do not earn by merit.  If you earned it the gift would no longer be a gift – it would be a wage!  In the same way you cannot merit or earn the sacrifice of Jesus.  It is given to you as a gift.  It is that simple.

And what is the gift?  It is ‘eternal life’.  That means that the sin which brought you and me death is now canceled.  Jesus’ bridge of life enables us to re-connect with God and receive life – which lasts forever.  God loves you and me that much.  It is that powerful.

So how do you and I ‘cross’ this Bridge of Life?  Again, think of gifts.  If someone wants to give you a gift you must ‘receive’ it.  Anytime a gift is offered there are two alternatives.  Either the gift is refused (“No thank you”) or it is received (“Thank you for your gift.  I will take it”).  So also this gift offered must be received.  It cannot simply be mentally believed in, studied or understood.  This is illustrated in the next figure where we ‘walk’ on the Bridge by turning to God and receiving his gift he offers to us.

Jesus sacrifice is a gift that each of us must choose to receive

So how do we receive this gift?  The Bible says that

Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved (Romans 10:12)

Notice that this promise is for ‘everyone’.  Since he rose from the dead Jesus is alive even now and he is ‘Lord’.  So if you call on him he will hear and give his gift to you.  You call out to him and ask him – by having a conversation with him.  Perhaps you have never done this.  Below is a prayer that can guide you. It is not a magic chant.  It is not the specific words that give power.  It is the trust like Abraham had that we place in him to give us this gift.  As we trust him He will hear us and answer.  The Gospel is powerful, and yet also so simple.  Feel free to follow this guide if you find it helpful.

Dear Lord Jesus.  I understand that with my sins I am separated from God.  Though I can try hard, no effort and sacrifice on my part will bridge this separation.  But I understand that your death was a sacrifice to wash away all my sins.  I believe that you rose from the dead after your sacrifice so I know that your sacrifice was sufficient.  I ask you to please cleanse me from my sins and bridge me to God so I can have eternal life.  I do not want to live a life enslaved to sin so please free me from sin.  Thank you, Lord Jesus, for doing all this for me and would you even now continue to guide me in my life so I can follow you as my Lord.

Amen

By Olonade Olawale (Brain Feels)

WHAT IS BEAUTY?

What is it

Are there objective standards of beauty? Or is beauty in the eye of the beholder? Must art be beautiful to be great art? What is the role of the experience of beauty in a good life? Tayo and Olawale take in the beauty with Alawode Taiwo from 

Pefti Film Institute

Listening Notes

Is beauty in the eye of the beholder? Tayo defines beauty as that which brings enjoyment to the person who looks or contemplates. Tayo defines subjective properties as properties that require subjects of the right sort to make a difference. When we say something is beautiful, are we recommending to others that they should take delight in it? Beauty may be intersubjective, but is it objective? Can we argue rationally about whether something is beautiful? Olawale introduces Alawode Taiwo, professor at Makeup artist. Is beauty both skin deep and in the eye of the beholder? Taiwo distinguishes between surface beauty and deep beauty. 

Ade thought that if we think something is beautiful then we want everyone to agree with us. Tayo proposes the idea that perception is a skill. Would the world be better off if everyone agreed on what is beautiful? Taiwo thinks the world would not be better off because what we find beautiful is a reflection of our personality and individuality. What can we learn about ourselves from what we find beautiful? Taiwo thinks that it illuminates our style. Is taste a function of education and economics? 

Is natural beauty ever better than constructed beauty, like in art or music? Do beauty and happiness go together? What is the relation between beauty and the sublime? Taiwo says that the sublime is our reaction in the face of 

something so overpowering that it consumes 

or obliterates us. There is a saying that truth is beauty and beauty is truth, but is that correct? Tayo thinks it is false. Why does beauty matter?

 By Olonade Olawale (brain Feels)

IS GOD AN ABUSIVE FATHER

IS GOD AN ABUSIVE FATHER?

If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!

Matthew 7:11 (NKJV)

Legalistic religion is so limiting. It implies that God allows pain and heartache either to punish us or teach us things. When tragedy strikes, we’re told, “Well, it’s all part of God’s plan.” The trouble is, we begin to see God as a sadistic, vindictive abuser instead of the loving Father God He is. Today’s verse directly contradicts legalistic teaching. It says that if we as imperfect humans know how to give good gifts to our children, how much more will our loving Father God give good things to us when we ask Him! I’m a father of five and a grandpa, and I love my kids and grandkids. I want them to have the best. I would never intentionally cause them harm. I couldn’t even imagine giving them a cold, let alone cancer, and I’m not perfect.God is the perfect father! If you found out that a father had broken one of his kids’ legs to teach them something, you would report him for child abuse. Yet that's the way many people look at God. In today’s verse, Jesus is saying that if loving earthly fathers know how to treat their kids right, how much more so does God? God IS love! Have you developed an inaccurate picture of God? If so, it’s time to challenge those old pictures and replace them with the truth. As you read the Bible, focusing especially on the Gospels and New Testament, you’ll discover thatyou have a loving Father God who wants only the very best for you!

FREEZING WITH FEAR

Freezing with Fear

Turning Hopelessness into Action.

Have you ever seen one of those amazing animals in the wild documentaries in which a lion or cheetah is stalking its prey, say a gazelle or some other kind of antelope? All of a sudden, the gazelle seems to sense that a deadly predator is near and freezes in place. When the camera zooms in on the poor prey, we can see that its ears and nostrils are twitching and its eyes darting back and forth, but no other movement is apparent. Adaptively, the animal is using its advanced senses to detect where the lion is, rather than running around and risk going right into the hunter. In this case, freezing is an adaptive response to a real threat in the animal’s immediate environment.

Perhaps you have frozen in the face of danger yourself. Have you ever been driving along in your car when suddenly you realized that another car had gone through a red light and was coming right at you? Moments later you hear the crash and feel the impact. Later, you berate yourself: why didn’t I swerve to avoid the ongoing car, or brake harder to stop before it crossed my path? The reason is that you were frozen with fear, perhaps not an adaptive response in this case but certainly an evolutionarily conserved one.

Neuroscientists have learned a great deal about freezing with fear by studying rodents undergoing classical or Pavlovian fear conditioning. When a rat in a conditioning chamber is exposed to a sudden, loud tone it will look up to see where the noise is coming from, but not exhibit much in the way of fear. But if the tone is terminated by a mild electric shock, the animal freezes in place for several seconds. After this initial training, if the tone is presented without a shock, the rat still freezes. The animal has become conditioned to fear a previously innocuous stimulus, now called the conditioned stimulus or CS.

Scientists like NYU’s Joseph LeDoux and Emory’s Michael Davis showed that fear conditioning to an auditory stimulus like this follows a pathway that goes from the rat’s ears to the auditory thalamus to a structure deep in the limbic cortex called the amygdala. The neural impulse first enters a subregion of the amygdala called the lateral nucleus, is next transferred to another subregion called the central nucleus, and is then distributed to several other brain regions. One of these is called the periaqueductal gray (PAG) region, and it is here that the freezing response is initiated. A lesion in the pathway (link is external)between the amygdala and the PAG region pprevent freezen (link is external)from occurring in a fear conditioned rat when the tone is sounded. Brain imaging studies have shown that conditioned fear activates the amygdala in humans as well.

Severe anxiety and fear, then, naturally causes mammals like we humans to freeze. While that may be the best response in some cases, it can be dangerous in others. An example may be our response to climate change. Our response to the dire warnings that we are rapidly destroying our planet by burning fossil fuels and eating red meat could be terror to the point that we are frozen with fear, unable to take the steps to save ourselves.

It has been noted (link is external)many times that scare tactics sometimes work and sometimes don’t. In the case of climate change, we of course want people to be worried. Scientists agree that the earth is warming at an alarming rate that, if unchecked, will lead to a myriad of disasters and make some regions of the globe uninhabitable. Human activity, mostly in the form of burning fossil fuels for energy, is clearly to blame. Only concerted and radical activity on the part of individuals, governments, and societies can save us.

None of this is even slightly hyperbolic; indeed, one could easily use more frightening language about climate change and still be accurate. The question is whether scaring people about this grim and impending reality will indeed motivate them to change their attitudes and behaviors. There is good reason to worry(link is external) that scaring people about the terrors of climate change--massive flooding, out of control wildfires, unbreathable air, and stifling heat waves—is counterproductive and may actually lead to people becoming apathetic and not taking any kind of action at all. The predictions are so dire that we feel hopeless and helpless to intervene. Instead, we freeze with fear, just like the rats do when they see no way out of the fear condition. But perhaps especially kn the case of climate change, that inaction spells doom.

But laboratory science shows us there is a potential solution. Recall the laboratory rat who has been trained to freeze every time it hears a tone once paired with a shock. If that same rat is shown a door that allows it to escape the conditioning chamber when it hears the tone, the neural impulse from the amygdala is routed away from the PAG(link is external), where freezing is initiated, and directed instead to a different brain region(link is external), the ventral striatum, a structure involved in motivated action. Joe LeDoux and I wrote about this phenomenon(link is external), which has been shown to be equally true in humans, as an example of how psychotherapy might help people who suffer from anxiety disorders. Taking an action, we argued in 2001 shortly after the World Trade Center disaster, redirects the fear pathway away from freezing and toward meaningful coping.

This same reasoning might be applied to our attempts to prevent climate change anxiety from causing inertia and instead translate it into action. We should give people environmentally positive tasks that they find achievable and meaningful and then relate them to the larger climate change picture. For example, many communities now mandate recycling of household garbage, but few report back to citizens how they are doing. Instead, penalties are imposed for non-compliance. We know that positive reinforcement is often more powerful than punishment--at least with respect to pre-adolescent children--so why not let people know how many tons of garbage they have recycled and how much carbon dioxide-releasing energy they have saved because of their recycling efforts? Further, perhaps we could give this information not only on an individual basis but on a community level as well, so that people could understand how they and their neighbors are together combatting global warming.

Let’s make people feel successful rather than hopeless in the face of climate change. We have the neurobiological basis for understanding how this can dramatically affect our brain’s response to a challenge. It is time to use that information in order to unfreeze us and turn our fears into motivated action to save our planet.

By Olonade Olawale (Brain Feels)